i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
it's great music for shaving your balls
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Randomize
