dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize