I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
