kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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