Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The best revenge is premature balding
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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