I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I did that thing again where I get way too drunk and go gay. Then wake up in the morning and freak out at the person. Yet another bar I cannot go back to
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
