Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Randomize
