Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
