Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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