I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
