in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
