i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
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