Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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