why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
