I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
