he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
