Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I just want to make out with him forever
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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