her vagine was all disorganized.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
