Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
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