she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
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