Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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