i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
