He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
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