some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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