wat bout pragnant strippers??
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
