dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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