the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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