I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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