i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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