Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
