Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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