ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
She made me pour olive oil on her.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
