She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Randomize
