they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
