Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
