Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
