im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Randomize
