You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
