WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
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