You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
The air was thick with penises
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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