WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
