Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
