i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
My dad is sitting where you rode me
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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