So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
