Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
We left an ass print on the piano.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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