I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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