He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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