So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
