I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
