I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
