Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
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