Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize