tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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