I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
i think my cat just said my name.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
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