God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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