so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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