i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
