At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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