and you said cock pushups were impossible
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
