So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
