thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
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