I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
mondays should just be called national damage control day
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Randomize
