I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Randomize
