his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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