remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Reggie can tackle my bush.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Randomize
