I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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