So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
