You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize