you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
3 2 1 whiskey
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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