What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Just puked most of my soul out..
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
