is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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