I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
