I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
