I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
