OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
