With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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