before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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