I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
