you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I need a beard to bite.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
