i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
