Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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