Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I am available for nakedness
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
