I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
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